Wildlife

Bad Day Billy

Matt Hickey, Southern Outdoor Legacy (S.O.L)

(Inspired by true events)

*Wife kicks Billy in the side*

“Get up Billy! You’re going to be late!”

*Nothing*

“Wife kicks Billy in the side again*

“GET UP!!! They are going to leave you!”

Ole Billy rolls out of bed groaning, all sleepy eyed, head pounding. Suddenly he realizes what time it is, and mutters to his wife “why didn’t you wake me up earlier, you know I sleep through my alarm every time! Now I’m going to be late!” She just rolls her eyes and turns back over in bed.

You see, ole Billy, well he ain’t that old, just a really heavy sleeper.  He loves duck hunting, but the early mornings sure don’t love him back. Thankfully he’s got good friends, that well.. are very understanding to say the least.

Billy rushes around the house, throwing on his clothes, forgetting everything but the necessities, as he rushes out the door in his hungover fury.  Luckily, his old beater truck cranks right up, but there’s no time to defrost the windshield. “I’m so tired of being that guy!” he says to himself. With his head stuck out the window like a hound in the wind, he spins gravel rushing out of his driveway.

The cold wind makes his eyes water and his ears turn red, but finally there’s a hole big enough to see through in his frozen windshield. “That’s about enough of that” he exclaims as he rolls the window back up. His glances at his phone, “Hmm only 2 missed calls this time” he mutters.

Although he can see, he can’t see well. Ole Billy forgot something very important that morning; the near 90 degree turn in the road. He doesn’t see it coming and his truck straightens the curve out. He sees it happening as if in slow motion, the truck flying through the air, and crashing down hard into an unfortunate farmer’s pasture. “That’s unfortunate” he says aloud as he sees steam rolling from the hood of the truck. 

His buddies, patiently waiting at the ramp, see ole late boy Billy pulling up, one headlight out and a serious awful noise that can’t be described. He whips into the closest parking spot near the water.  “About time!!” they yell as Billy limps over the boat. “What the heck happened to you?” they say. “You get in a fight with the wife this morning?” they laugh at his crooked, busted, bloody nose. Billy doesn’t say a word as he pushes the boat off in the water. He sits down, very calmly, takes both hands and pops his nose back in place. *POP!*

His friends look at him astonished at what they had just witnessed. “Bad day Billy?” they ask as they turn up river. “It’s been a rough morning boys” he laughs. “Let’s go kill some ducks”.

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